Jack walks onto ferry.
2)EXT. BOAT DECK, FRANCE. DAY.
Jack is standing on the boat.
Jack is on the boat standing.
TANNOY:
We are arriving in France. Pack your things and get ready to leave.
JACK:
Finally at last im here.
Jack goes in hotel reception.
Jack walks in the hotel reception
4)INT. HOTEL BEDROOM. NIGHT.
Jack unpacks his stuff into his wardrobe.
5) INT. HOTEL BEDROOM. NIGHT.
Jack is sleeping.
6)EXT. PARIS. NIGHT.
Jack is on a street in Paris. he takes a gun out of his pocket and shoots a man 6 ft 2 with glasses and then he shoots another man 5 ft 6 with mask on and he has a little bit of a beard on his chin and he shoots a man who works in a shop 6 ft with his bag full of what he got. Suddenly he got his knife out and stabbed a women 5ft 5 with sunglasses and with a gun Jack shoots a man 6 ft 5.
7) INT. HOTEL BEDROOM. DAY.
Jack woke up and looks around and heard knocking on the door and service came.
JACK:
Its just a dream
SERVICE:
What do you want for breakfast.
JACK:
I want um corn flakes please.
JACK:
I want um corn flakes please.
8) EXT. ON THE STREETS. DAY.
Jack walks on the streets.
He walks and goes in a shop and asking the shop keeper is he OK and the shop keeper responded and he bought what he wants.
JACK:
You OK
SHOP KEEPER:
Yes im fine thank you.
SHOP KEEPER:
Yes im fine thank you.
8) INT. HOTEL. DAY.
Jack came back to the hotel.
Jack came back to the hotel and put his things what he bought and watched t.v and pulled his gun out and knife out and putted it somewhere safe so no one can see it.
9) INT. HOTEL. DAY/NIGHT.
Service came again asking him what to eat for dinner and lunch.
Jack told the service what he wants when the service came and jack ate and went to sleep.
JACK:
Can i have a sandwich please.
SERVICE:OK.
10) INT. HOTEL. DAY.
He woke up and has breakfast.
He woke up and has his breakfast, then went out talking to his self.
11) INT/EXT. ON THE STREETS. DAY.
He got his knife and gun out.
Suddenly he got his knife out and stabbed someone and ran away. Then he got his gun out and killed people and got caught by the police and the police followed him .
JACK:
Damn it!
Oh no damn it im gone.
12) EXT. ON THE STREETS. DAY.
Police man calls for backup.
The police followed him and called for backup because he cant do it all by his self.
POLICE:
I need backup immediately
JACK:
aah!!!!
13) EXT. ON THE STREETS. DAY.
The swat team came.
The swat team came to find him.
THE SWAT TEAM:
Where are you. you son of a cow?
14) EXT. ON THE STREETS. DAY.
Swat team surrounded him.
So jack hid and heard nothing and came out and finds himself surrounded by the swat team.
THE SWAT TEAM:
Put your knees on to the floor now and put your hand on your head.
Put your knees on to the floor now and put your hand on your head.
you are arrested for killing people.
JACK:
Grrrrrrr.
THE SWAT TEAM:
Hahahahaha.
JACK:
Grrrrrrr.
THE SWAT TEAM:
Hahahahaha.
Good start Fahim. You now need to finish breaking your treatment down into scenes, each with a heading from my blog post to give the scene's location, and a brief description of what happens in the scene.
ReplyDeleteYou can be simpler in your scene headings- EXT. Boat. Day.
You have worked really hard on this Fahim, well done! I have included some scene by scene notes to make your script clearer.
ReplyDelete1)EXT. HARBOR. DAY.
You need to give a brief description of Jack here. What does he look like and what is he wearing?
2)EXT. BOAT DECK, FRANCE. DAY.
You say Jack is standing on the boat twice. Delete one.
3)INT. HOTEL RECEPTION. EVENING.
You say Jack goes into the hotel reception twice. Delete one. Also, is this a good chance for him to speak to the staff at reception? It doesn't need to be long, but it could be an opportunity for the audience to find out his name.
4)INT. HOTEL BEDROOM. NIGHT.
I think you can cut this scene. We don't need to see Jack unpacking his stuff; we see he is in his hotel room in the next scene.
5) INT. HOTEL BEDROOM. NIGHT.
6)EXT. PARIS. NIGHT.
Good, you listened to me well and added a lot more detail to this scene. You don't need to put that the man works in a shop, or what is in the bag, unless we have to see the contents.
7) INT. HOTEL BEDROOM. DAY.
What is Jack's reaction to his dream? Did it scare him or confuse him? Briefly write how Jack looks when he wakes up.
EXT. ON THE STREETS. DAY.
8) INT. HOTEL. DAY.
9) INT. HOTEL. DAY/NIGHT.
10) INT. HOTEL. DAY.
I don't think you need any of these scenes Fahim. Why not replace them with a scene where room service bring him his breakfast and he has to hide his knife and gun first? That is the key thing with those scenes; otherwise it is just a man going shopping and eating meals for a day.
11) INT/EXT. ON THE STREETS. DAY.
You need to describe the scene here; it is an EXT. shot, not an INT. and you need to say what the street looks like. Is it busy? Are there a lot of people there or is it quiet. What does the person he stabs look like? How about the people he shoots? Does he kill them or wound them? How do other people react? Where is the policeman and how does he see Jack doing this?
12) EXT. ON THE STREETS. DAY.
This is part of the previous scene unless the policeman has chased Jack somewhere else. Where does Jack run to?
13) EXT. ON THE STREETS. DAY.
14) EXT. ON THE STREETS. DAY.
Where is Jack when they catch him? Is he hiding? Perhaps he could hide in an alleyway. Also, when the SWAT team find him, would they really find it funny?